The Rant

Testing testing123

2010-03-04T15:27:00.000Z

Simple rules

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The Lord of F1 returns!!!!

2009-07-30T15:45:00.005Z

A season that has already produced more than its fair share of thrills and spills just got even more exciting after it was confirmed on Wednesday that Michael Schumacher is to make a sensational comeback for Ferrari as temporary cover for the injured Felipe Massa.

"Scuderia Ferrari Marlboro intends to entrust Michael Schumacher with Felipe Massa's car until the Brazilian driver is able to race again," Ferrari announced on its website.
"Michael Schumacher has shown his willingness and in the next few days he will undergo a specific programme of preparation at the end of which it will be possible to confirm his participation in the championship starting with the European Grand Prix."

The sensational news that Michael Schumacher is to come out of retirement and step into Felipe Massa’s Ferrari while the Brazilian recovers from injury has energised an F1 fraternity still reeling from depressing recent events.

While debates will always rage about who is F1’s greatest driver of all time, Schumacher’s statistical goldrush is unrivalled, as you will see from the following comprehensive list of all the meaningful records he set in his glittering career.

Records are made to be broken, of course, but looking at some of the achievements below you wonder whether some of them will ever be eclipsed – except possibly by the great man himself if his comeback proves a success...

Records held by Michael Schumacher

* Most world titles: 7 (1994, 1995, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004)

* Most consecutive titles: 5 (2000-04)

* Most grand prix wins: 91

* Most wins in a single season: 13 (2004)

* Most consecutive wins in a single season: 7 (2004)

* Most wins at the same race: 8 (French GP)

* Most wins with one team: 72 (Ferrari)

* Most wins from pole: 40

* Most pole positions: 68

* Most front-row starts: 115

* Most podium finishes: 154

* Most second place finishes: 43

* Most points finishes: 190

* Most points scored: 1,369

* Most points in a single season: 148 (from a maximum of 180, in 2004)

* Most fastest laps: 76

* Most fastest laps in a season: 10 (from a maximum of 18, in 2004)

* Most races led: 141

* Most laps led: 5,108

* Furthest distance led in a season: 2,085 miles (2004)

* Fastest race-winning average speed: 153.843mph (2003 Italian GP)

* Most consecutive podiums: 19 (USA 2001 to Japan 2002)

* Most consecutive points finishes: 24 (Hungary 2001 to Malaysia 2003)

* Most consecutive seasons with a win: 15 (1992-2006)

* Most consecutive wins from pole (6)

* Most ‘clean sweeps’ (pole, win, fastest lap): 22

* Largest points gap between champion and runner-up: 67 (2002)

* Earliest title winner: 2002 (in July, with 6 of the 17 races remaining)

* Longest continuous spell with one team: 11 seasons (Ferrari, 1996-2006)

* Most races with same team: 162 (Ferrari)

* Most time between first and last race wins: 14 years, 1 month and 1 day

* Never outqualified by his team-mate in 1992, 1993 or 1994

* Only driver to have finished every race on the podium: 2002

Trivia

* Won all his ‘landmark’ GPs, winning on his 50th, 100th, 150th and 200th GP starts

* Only events he failed to win were South African, Mexican and Turkish GPs

* His record of 91 GP wins is only one shy of the combined total of the next two most winning drivers, Alain Prost (51) and Ayrton Senna (41)

* Scored points in a remarkable 76.6% of all his GP starts

* Led 56.9% of all GPs he started

* Banned or disqualified from more races than anyone else (banned from two races and disqualified from another in 1994; excluded from 1997 championship for collision with Jacques Villeneuve)

2009-06-28T09:59:00.001Z

What a glorious day. Just thought I would take this opportunity to tell you about my morning. Sunshine, coffee, walking the doberdog nero in a meadow by the river listening to buena vista social club on my pod of i. Absolutely Superb!
But I still can't get rid of the nagging feeling that something just isn't right.
What could it be? Lets take a moment to think... Hmmm... that's it!!!
Gordon brown is a lying, corrupt, egotistical fucker and his cronies are sucking this country dry whilst at the same time making sure it is completely fucked for who ever takes power for at least the next 10 long miserable fucking years!
Ahhhh... I feel so much better now.

Peace out homies! Until next time.

No shit Sherlock!

2009-03-13T09:06:00.005Z

Cocaine link to violent behaviour
Evidence has emerged which points to a link between cocaine use and violent behaviour.
Did someone actually get paid to write this shit? FFS!

Figures from Greater Manchester Police suggest that 41% of people arrested for violence had taken cocaine or crack cocaine, by itself or with other drugs.
Yes and figures released the other day by a monkey suggest hungry people eat food. COCKS!

The force took samples from 1,000 people arrested for offences such as assault, wounding and affray in the seven months to March last year.

The charity DrugScope revealed the results in its magazine, DrugLink.

Similiar findings had been reported in the Liverpool area after a separate study, run last summer by John Moores University.

Cocaine is more widely used in Britain than ever, while the average price has halved in a decade. A wrap can cost as little as £25.

Concern has grown among police forces that use of the drug in combination with alcohol may be fuelling night-time violence in pubs, clubs and city centres.
May? are you blind/stupid/a waste of tax payers money? for god's sake this has been going on for years and you write about it now! Is it any wonder this whole country is turning into a giant floating turd!? A skint one at that. Did i mention the weather was shit too?

Further research will be conducted this year, with police keen to establish whether there is a link between alcohol, cocaine and domestic violence.
How about doing some research to see if:
A) The police are a bunch of incompetent fuckwits?

B) Gordon Brown is a complete Twat?

C) This country is fucked beyond recognition and in the next 12 months it will get considerably worse?

If we weren't too busy being politically correct and stopped fucking about then perhaps there would be an opportunity to turn things around. Let's stop pandering to the human rights cock jobbers, stop throwing our money at greedy bastard bank twats, stop making excuses for scumbag street urchins, stop making british people the minority in britain, stop Gordon Brown, no, the labour party from having any say in anything and lets have a big fucking clear out. Flush the stench filled turd down the toilet and start over. Lets do it now before it is too late.

Strike a pose...

2009-03-13T08:59:00.004Z

Day out in Chester - Seagull was feeling brave...

2009-03-13T08:47:00.011Z

iPhone OS 3.0 is coming, preview on March 17th
by Joshua Topolsky, posted Mar 12th 2009 at 12:06PM

We just got the announcement, iPhone OS 3.0 is coming. Set your clocks, mark your calendars. It's going down March 17th. Apparently, we'll get a sneak peak at the new OS, as well as a look at a brand new version of the SDK. Exciting stuff indeed, and we'll be there live at 10am PST (1pm EST) with the liveblog. Apple's calling this an "advance preview of what we're building," so we're not expecting anything ready to go as of the 17th, but hopefully this will allow developers to start building toward future functionality (hey, how about some push notifications?), and presumably users won't have too many months to wait after that for the real deal.

ENGADGET

Cute or Clinically insane!? You decide...

2009-03-13T08:44:00.001Z

Stumbled across this on Engadget - Apparently 'Boxxy' caused a shit storm on the interwebs and the geeks nearly imploded in a civil war!
A bit unhinged... yes. Massively offensive... not really...

Judge for yourself...

Test

2009-02-17T13:26:00.001Z

Like I said its a test

E71 test

2009-01-26T13:34:00.001Z

Just a quick test to see how posting goes from my new all singing all dancing phone. Fingers crossed it will work a treat.

I've got my eye on you! - a quick image test...

2009-01-22T11:55:00.000Z

My intentions...

2009-01-22T11:53:00.002Z

I am hoping to try and use this blog as an open forum for my thoughts, work and photography, on occassion i may be a little outspoken, sometimes borderline mad. Hopefully there should be a nice balance and somewhere, someone on our ever changing planet will take a little joy, interest, hope away with them...

It's been a long time...

2009-01-22T11:51:00.002Z

Since i have ventured onto here. It was initially set up as an experiment as my first foray into the world of blogging but i feel the time for a comeback will soon be upon us...

Shady Pies... you jeb-end...

2007-10-23T15:00:00.001Z

Fat-pie.com :: Help us or I'll rape you

Ah, young love... It makes me sick!!!

2007-09-19T11:11:00.000Z

When will the British Media's love affair with Lewis 'Golden Boy' Hamilton ever bloody end!?

ITV are the worst offenders, during any interview with Lewis (which tends to be at least 3 times in any one programme) Steve 'Weird Face' Ryder stares captivated into the young rookies eyes like a pre-pubecent teen who harbors a secret crush on his 1st yr english supply teacher!

Steve Rider: As you were waiting for the verdict, what was the tension like because it was a close-run thing whether the drivers’ points were going to be lost or not?

TRANSLATES AS: Please dont be angry the nasty FIA may not realise you are the Messiah but here at ITV we understand your greatness and offer ourselves forward as your humble servants, admittedly, James Allen is a bit of a cock but even he drools in your general direction... Did i mention i want your babies?

LH: It was.

Translates as...

Thanks for stating the obvious underling, i am fully aware of my greatness. Yes James Allen is a cock, and your point is?

My babies? I wouldn't trust you to carry my excrement around in a sock! Your quiff is rather fetching though, attractive in a slightly wrong way. Now quiet and finish polishing my shoes.

I got back here [Spa], I think it was a two o’clock meeting with my engineer, we were walking the track and I had a call to say that this is what they have said in the press.

What he's saying is...

I'd just got the second coat of paint applied to my synthetic hair and was waiting for the laser to warm up so i could re-whiten my teeth. Suddenly one of my servants stumbled into my quarters clutching the Hamilton Hotline, platinum plated of course.

So you can imagine my heart just dropped and [to] see that all the work that the team have done, that I have put in this season, it was going to be taken away from me.

In Lewis speak...

So you can imagine, i was filled with pure rage and all the work i have done and all the effort i put into carrying the team and operating my puppet Ronny. Mind control on this level takes a lot of concentration. How dare the FIA even consider taking anything away from me, after all i am f1!

Fortunately, I didn’t have my points taken away from me and I think we were really lucky with that, so I am going to do the best job I can and just keep on pushing [for the title].

What he mean to say was...

Lucky for them, the fia saw sense and realised without me there is no F1, in the eyes of the true fans at least. Plus i'm sure the threat of unleashing a plague of locusts did no harm to the outcome. Yes, we cheated, but thats not important, what is important is that i am lewis hamilton, i am the incarnation of this sport and i am now able to continue milking this cash cow of every last bitter drop, like a young boy who's just discovered his dads porno stash and the joys of masturbation for the first time. Did i mention i have a book coming out? Its 'Lewis Hamilton: The Messiah has Come!' available everywhere ever...

Nice idea, but a bit gay...

2007-09-19T10:59:00.000Z

Looks fantastic but would you really be able to live with yourself when you know full well your 'ferrari' only has an MR2 under the bonnet?!

Thought not...

Winnebago Man

2007-06-14T17:36:00.001Z

swearing has never been cooler. This guy has it down to a fine art... turn it up, sit back and enjoy :)

Alonso doesn't believe in God...

2007-06-14T16:14:00.000Z

...which according to the latest 'press' statements means his team mate doesn't exist?

When will this needless shite stop, all you hear now is 'lewis this, lewis that, he's like god except he's black'. Please make it go away!!!

Now don't get me wrong, i have nothing against Mr Hamilton, quite the opposite, what he has achieved is remarkable, but the way ITV have turned their F1 coverage into the Lewis Hamilton Show is completely ridiculous! I worshipped Schuey but i still accepted that F1 is a sport (i now use that term loosely) and is watched by many people.

Apparently though, ITV doesn't see it like that, Lewis is british and therefore the world should bow down at his perfectly formed little feet. They ram programme after programme down our still sore from lat time throats, lewis is senna, lewis is ghandi, lewis is the man on the moon, lewis and the races he might win in the future, and not forgetting The James Allen Story: I want to marry lewis and allow him to abuse my anal passage.

This needs to stop, the higher they build the poor guy up the harder he will fall, and lets face it, being a brit sports star there is a damn good chance he will fall, like a drunk stumbling off a kerb straight into the path of an oncoming bus, over-flowing with hungry members of the mindless british press, ready to capture every last detail of his impending vehicular doom.

Before i go insane with this rant let me just add one more point...
Kimi has turned out to be utter crap, 50 million dollars pissed up the wall of ferraris history steeped garages. Please Mr Todt if you read this, or one of your friends, or a friend of a friend who might meet you in a bar... Get Schuey back at all costs and win some races, he retired too early anyway, just look at the drive he gave in brazil. He's had time out, his appetite will be refreshed so get him back in a damn car and soon!!!!

Right, rant over, thanks for listening, you've been a lovely audience.

I will be back soon as it has been suggested i start to cover the grand prix that we have left, so i will oblige and give it a go...

Fonejacker 04 - Monies

2007-06-14T15:55:00.001Z

funny doesnt do this damn thing justice...

Trouble brewing for Mclaren

2007-06-14T15:46:00.001Z

Cake row rocks Macca

McLaren are at the centre of a new favouritism row after an incident in an Indianapolis restaurant last night.

The team had popped out to the city's top German bistro Schadenfreude’s for a group meal ahead of this weekend’s US Grand Prix.

All had been going well until a member of Fernando Alonso’s entourage noticed that a waitress had given Lewis Hamilton a second slice of battenberg cake, resulting in the Spanish side of the table levelling a claim of special treatment towards the British rookie.

Our source said: “I think this is just being taken out of context. McLaren have had, and will continue to have, a policy of making sure each driver gets the same amount of cake, and it will be no different with Lewis and Fernando.”

However, the incident had echoes of a similar fuss during the great Alain Prost-Ayrton Senna feud of 1989, when the Frenchman ate the last chocolate éclair at the San Marino Grand Prix.

Hayabusa Turbo Mk1 Golf!!!

2007-06-14T11:01:00.001Z

VW Golf Mk1 With A 350Hp Suzuki Hayabusa Engine!

Are these guys’ nuts or what? Work of UK based H.R. Engineering that specializes in converting front wheel drive cars to rear wheel drive with any engine option, the heavily modified VW Golf Mk1 has been blessed with a 350bhp turbocharged, 1.3-liter motorbike engine from the Suzuki Hayabusa driving the rear wheels. It's not the first time we've seen something like this as some of you might remember the Smart Fortwo Diablo with the 180Hp Suzuki GSX-R 1000 motor. As you’ll hear for yourself in the videos that we added, if anything, the modified Golf sounds pretty damn sick.

Hayabusa Turbo Mk1 Golf!!!

2007-06-14T11:00:00.001Z

All cars should sound like this!

Volvic's ad commercial, George Volcano and the 'birds'!

2007-06-13T15:00:00.005Z

The 2nd and by fat the funniest of the Volvic ads so far, pure genius, volcanos have never been so much fun :)

Volvic's Latest! 3rd Advert Commercial, Volvic Revive

2007-06-13T15:00:00.003Z

The latest in a series of genius adverts for Volvic Mineral Water

Volvic's FULL Length Old Tyrannosaurus Alan Ad!

2007-06-13T15:00:00.001Z

The first of the 'classic' Volvic ads

Mozilla - Home of the Firefox web browser and Thunderbird email client

2007-06-13T14:56:00.000Z

Mozilla - Home of the Firefox web browser and Thunderbird email client

If you havent already.... try it!!!

BBC NEWS | Technology | Safari crosses software divide

2007-06-13T14:52:00.000Z

BBC NEWS | Technology | Safari crosses software divide

Those crazy guys at Apple are at it again...

The PS3... saving mankind... literally...

2007-04-26T12:02:00.000Z

PS3 boosts protein research plan

The program simulates how proteins assume their shape

Attempts to understand diseases such as Alzheimers have got a boost from Sony's PlayStation 3 console.

More than 250,000 PS3 owners have enrolled their console in the Folding@Home project which uses it to study the shapes proteins assume.

So many have signed up that the project has carried out a year's worth of research in a month.

Proteins that do not fold correctly have been implicated in diseases such as Alzheimers and BSE.

Speedy science

The Folding@Home (F@H) project uses idle machines, be they PCs or game consoles, to simulate how proteins, the building blocks of life, assume the forms that play key roles in living tissue.

A better understanding of these folded forms could help tackle disease or help manipulate or mimic these vital structures.

The project, like many others, tries to solve hugely complicated problems by splitting them up into thousands of much smaller tasks.

By harnessing thousands of idle machines to do hundreds of thousands of these smaller tasks it becomes possible to do analysis that would take years to complete on a single supercomputer.

"Thanks to PS3, we have performed simulations in the first few weeks that would normally take us more than a year to calculate," said Vijay Pande, Associate Professor of Chemistry at Stanford University and leader of the Folding@Home project.

Sony signed up to F@H in March and those that have downloaded the program have, at their busiest, racked up a total computing power of more than 700 teraflops. The average computational power delivered by these users is about 400 teraflops.

By comparison BlueGene L, which tops the list of most powerful supercomputers, has a top speed of 280.6 teraflops.

Sony said an update to the F@H PS3 program would boost speeds and make it easier to see who else was participating.

Feature: I Am 8-Bit - Kotaku

2007-04-26T10:29:00.000Z

Some awesome artwork by various artist, based on the wonderous 8-bit era.

Enjoy...

Feature: I Am 8-Bit - Kotaku

Think your clever? Think again...

2007-04-25T09:45:00.000Z

university entrance tests.

The UK's Royal Society of Chemistry is offering a £500 prize to one lucky but bright person who answers the question below correctly.

Anyone wishing to enter the competition should go to the RSC website and send the correct answer by Friday 27 April to be included in a prize draw.

The PS3 Fights back... slowly...

2007-04-25T09:43:00.000Z

Hitman, Conflict Teams Bring Games to PS3

Kane & Lynch: Dead Men and Crossfire go the other way.

View & Post comments on this article

Sony has taken flack in recent months for losing exclusives, as games such as Assassin's Creed and Virtua Fighter 5 found additional homes on the Xbox 360. Now it's going the other way, with Eidos parent SCi revealing that two of its Xbox 360 games are headed to Sony's console.

Hitman developer IO Interactive's next game, Kane & Lynch: Dead Men (developer interview here), previously exclusive to PC and Xbox 360, will now be coming to PlayStation 3 as well. All three versions are due before Christmas.

The company has also delayed and expanded the release of Crossfire, a co-op first-person shooter by Conflict series developer Pivotal Games steeped in the black-ops world of international relations.

Crossfire had previously been announced as an Xbox 360 and PC title. Now it'll be out on PlayStation 3 too, though the trio will only be in stores in early 2008 and not this year as originally planned.

The company says the PlayStation 3 versions of both games are in "advanced stages of development".

The move is motivated by the SCi board's belief that the PlayStation 3 will reach "critical mass" during 2008. The company is also looking make the most of its marketing campaigns, releasing the games simultaneously on the three platforms.

How time flies...

2007-04-25T09:39:00.000Z

It's been a while folks, sorry i've kept you waiting for any form of decent content.

Work has been one continual busy cycle, hopefully the loop will soon break be it naturally or artificially, either way i'm gonna make some time.

I'll be back soon, just getting my shit together then i promise i will start filling this webspace with some more opinions - all soley mine, some more extreme than others and i will also trawl the web for some more candy coated goodness to feast your greedy eyes upon.

Soon my friends, soon.

Mr Beast

Design in Film to Game Crossovers - GameCareerGuide.com

2007-04-25T09:24:00.000Z

Design in Film to Game Crossovers - GameCareerGuide.com

Coming to a High Street near you!

2006-11-14T10:08:00.000Z

Hell yes! this has to be the ultimate in chav deterrants and at only $200,000 each much cheaper than putting them in the clink. Embrace the future, for it has arrived.

Robot sentinella
Uploaded by Alice_in_Wonderland

2006-11-09T09:58:00.000Z

Troops

The old ones are the best :)

2006-11-09T09:50:00.000Z

President Bush is a Jedi?

Absolute class, if only all world disputes were tackled like this. The question is, with the NWO rumours, is Bush a Jedi....

2006-11-03T09:47:00.000Z

Chacarron

genius, pure genius!!!

2006-11-03T09:46:00.000Z

Chacarron Vs Teletoubbies

it just keeps getting better

This has to be a fucking joke!?!?

2006-09-29T11:43:00.000Z

Drunks could find themselves with a £100 spot fine.
How will these be any more of a deterrent then a quick twat with a steel baton and a night in a piss soaked cell to think about what an absolute childish drunken shit you have been before you go back to your family looking like you slept with a rat in the local skip???

Criminals To Get Spot Fines

(Translates loosely as - Lazy government fuckers come up with new ways to avoid punishing criminals and at the same time make more money to spend on fuck all)

Serious crimes such as assault and mugging will be punished by on-the-spot fines of up to £100, it has been reported.

Mr Beast says: Surely the moment you decide a crime only requires an on the spot fine it is no longer considered 'serious'? So mugging and the like are ok now so long as you can pay your way, what a farce!

The Times claims to have seen Home Office plans that will see the penalties handed out for offences including assault, threatening behaviour, obstructing or assaulting a police officer, possession of cannabis and drunkenness.

Mr Beast says: How on god's green earth can you place assault and owning some leaves from a plant in the same category??? I am not tolerant of drugs but the likes of cannabis although with their own risks attached (mental health etc) are pretty much a victimless crime, where as assault or mugging quite blatantly has a victim and destroys the very society we exist in today. There should be, and is not any comparison between these two types of crime. Oh look, theres that guy who keeps chatting up my missus, lucky for me i won a monkey on the horses thus enabling me to go and dish out some knuckle justice with any repercussions. A farce!!!

They are aimed at keeping offenders out of courts.

Mr Beast says: Why???? isn' that where offenders are meant to be??? In court, getting a sentence for the crime they committed, isn't that how it works??? You commit a crime, you go to court, you are found guilty, you are handed a sentence or punishment then hopefully go on to learn your lesson and stop being such a fuckwit drain on society, end of!

The Home Office is proposing a huge extension of fixed-penalty notices from early 2007.

Mr Beast says: As they are a bunch of clueless lazy fucks who live in sheltered worlds and never actually have to walk the streets of our slowly sinking, shit stained country, thus never having to experience the amount of low life chav scum that now resides on every corner, doing as they wish, confident in the fact that, to be honest, the popo really cant be arsed to do anything they may risk them having some paperwork to do.

They would apply to nearly 30 offences.

Mr Beast says: As i have stated before... WHAT A FUCKING JOKE!!!

The move could remove 250,000 cases from magistrates courts.

Mr Beast says: Why not close the courts then, saving the tax payer a shit load of hard earned money they can then invest in protecting themselves and their families properly, seeing as the government really don't seem to want the responsibility any more.

The plans were drawn up after consulting key agencies, including the Association of Chief Police Officers.

Reads as: the was a last hope attempt by a bunch of clueless, over paid fucks, to try and reduce the number of recorded crimes, thus creating the illusion they actually know what they are doing!

But they have yet to be endorsed by ministers.

Mr Beast says: There is still hope yet then, although, lets be honest, not much. With G Brown due in power any time soon he'll do whatever he can to direct more cash into the badly neglected coffers, no matter what the public cost.

Legislation could be put through in the autumn and a start date pencilled in for early next year.

Mr Beast says: No comment i can really pass on this, other than... COCKS!!! PHLACID COCKS!!!

But the 30,000-strong Magistrates' Association says the proposals make a mockery of the criminal justice system and downgrade the gravity of offences that should go before the courts.

Mr Beast says: At last some fucking sense, lets hope they have the balls to speak up and stop yet another hair brained labour initiative being passed before we end up well and truly fucked beyond the point of no return.

Mr Beast

A tale of woe i never quite finished...

2006-09-27T16:40:00.000Z

Mickey, just another victim of crack Carrots...

The drugs were causing big problems for Mickey...

His eyes hurt, his paws were sore and his damn cute little pink nose just wouldn't stop bleeding! This shit was starting to drive him insane, day after fucking day the cravings got worse. "Why did i ever start on those stupid fucking crack carrots!?" Mickey asked himself as he stumbled out of his makeshift warren. Technically it was an old stainless exhaust system from a wrecked Nissan skyline, some spotty, obssessive punk had wrapped around a lamppost a couple of years previous, but to Mickey it was home, all he had left after the fucked up roller coaster ride that his empty painful life had become...

Head case

It was a cold and wet wednesday morning, Mickey's head was pounding, like a jack hammer on an aged concrete sidewalk, the pain was almost unbearable but he had to go on, he had no other options, he'd gone on for too long now and there was no way he was gonna take the chicken shit way out, not after all this fucking suffering...

Lame ass bitch

Today Mickey's one goal was to make money, he had to make some damn money soon or how would he get another fix? Those damn crack carrots, the craving driving deep into the core of his ever tiring brain, why oh why did he ever start, why try them, he'd been warned but he just wouldn't listen. She's bad news they said, upto no good, it will end in tears, but that was Mickey through and through, always thinking he knew best, never taking heed of the advice from those around him, ever since escaping the lab he'd been the same and now it had come back to bite him, right on his cute fluffy ass...

Dead man talking

He needed some dough real bad, as his Uncle Rodney used to say "its all about the benjamins sonny, without that clean, green purchasing machine your life will amount to nothing!" Damn he was right, the words from his long deceased uncle ringing around Mickey's fragile head like a deranged out of control nascar screaming round the oval with 1001 laps left to go.

Don't look back in anger

Mickey remebered the day his uncle died like it was yesterday, he remembered the sound of the 18 wheelers tyres locked up, scrambling for grip on the harsh, broken, weathered asphalt, he remembered the smell of the smoke, that powerful stench of melting rubber as ghostly grey plumes belched from the overstrained shoes of the truck, but worst of all, he remembered the look of sheer terror and confusion on his uncles face moments before the imapct turned him into little more than a fluffy tailed pate. Rabbits feet are lucky, who the fuck ever decided that?! Mickey had never heard something so fucking wrong in his life, where was the luck for his uncle rodney, wise, caring, concerned and loving as he was, where the fuck was his supposed luck hey!? Mickeys lips curled back in both anger and despair to reveal his broken, stained front teeth nestled loosely in his swollen, bloody, diseased gums. His dry and bloodshot eyes welled up with tears, they almost came as a relief, like some kind of saline solution sent from the heavens to help him see more clearly, but he didnt want to see clearly, he wanted to forget, forget his mistakes, his stupid, foolish mistakes. He wanted to wash the pain and idiocy out of his spinning head, to cleanse himself of the torture and suffering he'd so blindly but willingly welcomed into his life, he needed another fix and he needed it soon...

The blame game

The haul into town was a tough one, eight mile cross country, crossing the freeway twice and lets not forget the farm, that damn farm with that crazed, blank eyed, foaming at the mouth, bad ass, german shepard muther fucker, how could he ever forget that damn farm! Six months ago, that was Mickey's first 'introduction' to the farm, when i say the farm i guess i mean the insane, flea riddled, stinking excuse for a dog that resides there. Mickey was minding his own business, making his way to town as he had on so many occassions previously. He quite enjoyed it, the open air, the fresh green grass, so soft under his tired, cracked paws, the tranquility had almost hypnotic powers, there were times he nearly forgot, NEARLY forgot what a sad and fucked up mess his life was, NEARLY forgot how his stupidity got his kind Uncle Rodney crushed like a garlic clove in a french kitchen, and NEARLY forgot the cravings... those damn cravings, drilling into his head like the U.S. government drilling for oil in the baren deserts of the middle east, the mind bending pain pulsing through his brain like the shock wave from a thousand hiroshimas... but he never could forget, tranquil as the farm was the pain just wouldn't go, but no-one could blame Mickey for trying... could they? No, the answer was no but they could blame him, hunt him, even try and tear him apart like an old fan belt, shredded like secret files in a federal building. Not for trying to forget, but for forgetting, forgetting where he was, on the farm, not his farm, someone else's, and Mickey did not have permission to be there...

That's all i ever achieved...

Mr Beast

Counter-Strife: Noob's Guide to Counter Strike Source

2006-09-27T16:28:00.000Z

This made me laugh... a lot so i just had to post it!
Lasts a while but well worth the time investment... unless your a fag n00b that is? PnowNed!!!!

The creator and the -[JS]- crew of Lol Another Day 2 are at it again with Counter Strife: Noob's guide to Counter Strike Source. Based off the article on somethingawful.com, and is a 'mockumentary' and 'parody' of the counter-strike world. Covered topics - Gameplay tips, maps. equipment and weapons, player types, and more. Coming soon is the bloopers/deleted scenes/outtakes reel of this counter strike production. This machinima project was finished September 4th, 2006.

NASCAR can be exciting...

2006-09-27T14:12:00.000Z

The thought of fat men in fat cars going round an oval track being watched by millions of fat people consuming beer, hotdogs and popcorn thus getting fatter may seem slightly off-putting.
But the sight of one of said 'fat drivers' dropping kicking an opponent through his windcscreen is truly entertaining! Enjoy.

Mr Beast

If you love movies...

2006-09-27T13:07:00.000Z

Well my dribbling servants i have a tasty treat for you, if you are a lover of all things hollywood, if the big screen makes your pants tighten, if the thought of the next big thing makes your sweaty palms drip then get yourself off to here JUICY TREAT I swear you'll be amazed at the world my main dude Big Al drags you into, and if you stop clenching it wont hurt either...

Mr Beast

First Impressions...

2006-09-27T13:00:00.000Z

Just a quick dip into the pond to test the quality of the water folks.

Mr Beast here, ready to offer up my views and opinions on whatever takes my fancy at the time.

Some of it may make you laugh, sometimes you may cry, there may be some who become somewhat enraged. Either way it's all good, all i ask is you have a reaction then i will know my work here is complete.

See you soon my loyal subjects, prepare the world for "BEASTIFICATION" of the highest order...

Mr. Beast