Friday, September 29, 2006

This has to be a fucking joke!?!?

Drunks could find themselves with a £100 spot fine
Drunks could find themselves with a £100 spot fine.
How will these be any more of a deterrent then a quick twat with a steel baton and a night in a piss soaked cell to think about what an absolute childish drunken shit you have been before you go back to your family looking like you slept with a rat in the local skip???

Criminals To Get Spot Fines

(Translates loosely as - Lazy government fuckers come up with new ways to avoid punishing criminals and at the same time make more money to spend on fuck all)

Serious crimes such as assault and mugging will be punished by on-the-spot fines of up to £100, it has been reported.

Mr Beast says: Surely the moment you decide a crime only requires an on the spot fine it is no longer considered 'serious'? So mugging and the like are ok now so long as you can pay your way, what a farce!

The Times claims to have seen Home Office plans that will see the penalties handed out for offences including assault, threatening behaviour, obstructing or assaulting a police officer, possession of cannabis and drunkenness.

Mr Beast says: How on god's green earth can you place assault and owning some leaves from a plant in the same category??? I am not tolerant of drugs but the likes of cannabis although with their own risks attached (mental health etc) are pretty much a victimless crime, where as assault or mugging quite blatantly has a victim and destroys the very society we exist in today. There should be, and is not any comparison between these two types of crime. Oh look, theres that guy who keeps chatting up my missus, lucky for me i won a monkey on the horses thus enabling me to go and dish out some knuckle justice with any repercussions. A farce!!!

They are aimed at keeping offenders out of courts.

Mr Beast says: Why???? isn' that where offenders are meant to be??? In court, getting a sentence for the crime they committed, isn't that how it works??? You commit a crime, you go to court, you are found guilty, you are handed a sentence or punishment then hopefully go on to learn your lesson and stop being such a fuckwit drain on society, end of!

The Home Office is proposing a huge extension of fixed-penalty notices from early 2007.

Mr Beast says: As they are a bunch of clueless lazy fucks who live in sheltered worlds and never actually have to walk the streets of our slowly sinking, shit stained country, thus never having to experience the amount of low life chav scum that now resides on every corner, doing as they wish, confident in the fact that, to be honest, the popo really cant be arsed to do anything they may risk them having some paperwork to do.

They would apply to nearly 30 offences.

Mr Beast says: As i have stated before... WHAT A FUCKING JOKE!!!

The move could remove 250,000 cases from magistrates courts.

Mr Beast says: Why not close the courts then, saving the tax payer a shit load of hard earned money they can then invest in protecting themselves and their families properly, seeing as the government really don't seem to want the responsibility any more.

The plans were drawn up after consulting key agencies, including the Association of Chief Police Officers.

Reads as: the was a last hope attempt by a bunch of clueless, over paid fucks, to try and reduce the number of recorded crimes, thus creating the illusion they actually know what they are doing!

But they have yet to be endorsed by ministers.

Mr Beast says: There is still hope yet then, although, lets be honest, not much. With G Brown due in power any time soon he'll do whatever he can to direct more cash into the badly neglected coffers, no matter what the public cost.

Legislation could be put through in the autumn and a start date pencilled in for early next year.

Mr Beast says: No comment i can really pass on this, other than... COCKS!!! PHLACID COCKS!!!

But the 30,000-strong Magistrates' Association says the proposals make a mockery of the criminal justice system and downgrade the gravity of offences that should go before the courts.

Mr Beast says: At last some fucking sense, lets hope they have the balls to speak up and stop yet another hair brained labour initiative being passed before we end up well and truly fucked beyond the point of no return.

Mr Beast


Wednesday, September 27, 2006

A tale of woe i never quite finished...

Mickey, just another victim of crack Carrots...

The drugs were causing big problems for Mickey...

His eyes hurt, his paws were sore and his damn cute little pink nose just wouldn't stop bleeding! This shit was starting to drive him insane, day after fucking day the cravings got worse. "Why did i ever start on those stupid fucking crack carrots!?" Mickey asked himself as he stumbled out of his makeshift warren. Technically it was an old stainless exhaust system from a wrecked Nissan skyline, some spotty, obssessive punk had wrapped around a lamppost a couple of years previous, but to Mickey it was home, all he had left after the fucked up roller coaster ride that his empty painful life had become...

Head case

It was a cold and wet wednesday morning, Mickey's head was pounding, like a jack hammer on an aged concrete sidewalk, the pain was almost unbearable but he had to go on, he had no other options, he'd gone on for too long now and there was no way he was gonna take the chicken shit way out, not after all this fucking suffering...

Lame ass bitch

Today Mickey's one goal was to make money, he had to make some damn money soon or how would he get another fix? Those damn crack carrots, the craving driving deep into the core of his ever tiring brain, why oh why did he ever start, why try them, he'd been warned but he just wouldn't listen. She's bad news they said, upto no good, it will end in tears, but that was Mickey through and through, always thinking he knew best, never taking heed of the advice from those around him, ever since escaping the lab he'd been the same and now it had come back to bite him, right on his cute fluffy ass...

Dead man talking

He needed some dough real bad, as his Uncle Rodney used to say "its all about the benjamins sonny, without that clean, green purchasing machine your life will amount to nothing!" Damn he was right, the words from his long deceased uncle ringing around Mickey's fragile head like a deranged out of control nascar screaming round the oval with 1001 laps left to go.

Don't look back in anger

Mickey remebered the day his uncle died like it was yesterday, he remembered the sound of the 18 wheelers tyres locked up, scrambling for grip on the harsh, broken, weathered asphalt, he remembered the smell of the smoke, that powerful stench of melting rubber as ghostly grey plumes belched from the overstrained shoes of the truck, but worst of all, he remembered the look of sheer terror and confusion on his uncles face moments before the imapct turned him into little more than a fluffy tailed pate. Rabbits feet are lucky, who the fuck ever decided that?! Mickey had never heard something so fucking wrong in his life, where was the luck for his uncle rodney, wise, caring, concerned and loving as he was, where the fuck was his supposed luck hey!? Mickeys lips curled back in both anger and despair to reveal his broken, stained front teeth nestled loosely in his swollen, bloody, diseased gums. His dry and bloodshot eyes welled up with tears, they almost came as a relief, like some kind of saline solution sent from the heavens to help him see more clearly, but he didnt want to see clearly, he wanted to forget, forget his mistakes, his stupid, foolish mistakes. He wanted to wash the pain and idiocy out of his spinning head, to cleanse himself of the torture and suffering he'd so blindly but willingly welcomed into his life, he needed another fix and he needed it soon...

The blame game

The haul into town was a tough one, eight mile cross country, crossing the freeway twice and lets not forget the farm, that damn farm with that crazed, blank eyed, foaming at the mouth, bad ass, german shepard muther fucker, how could he ever forget that damn farm! Six months ago, that was Mickey's first 'introduction' to the farm, when i say the farm i guess i mean the insane, flea riddled, stinking excuse for a dog that resides there. Mickey was minding his own business, making his way to town as he had on so many occassions previously. He quite enjoyed it, the open air, the fresh green grass, so soft under his tired, cracked paws, the tranquility had almost hypnotic powers, there were times he nearly forgot, NEARLY forgot what a sad and fucked up mess his life was, NEARLY forgot how his stupidity got his kind Uncle Rodney crushed like a garlic clove in a french kitchen, and NEARLY forgot the cravings... those damn cravings, drilling into his head like the U.S. government drilling for oil in the baren deserts of the middle east, the mind bending pain pulsing through his brain like the shock wave from a thousand hiroshimas... but he never could forget, tranquil as the farm was the pain just wouldn't go, but no-one could blame Mickey for trying... could they? No, the answer was no but they could blame him, hunt him, even try and tear him apart like an old fan belt, shredded like secret files in a federal building. Not for trying to forget, but for forgetting, forgetting where he was, on the farm, not his farm, someone else's, and Mickey did not have permission to be there...

That's all i ever achieved...

Mr Beast

Counter-Strife: Noob's Guide to Counter Strike Source

This made me laugh... a lot so i just had to post it!
Lasts a while but well worth the time investment... unless your a fag n00b that is? PnowNed!!!!

The creator and the -[JS]- crew of Lol Another Day 2 are at it again with Counter Strife: Noob's guide to Counter Strike Source. Based off the article on, and is a 'mockumentary' and 'parody' of the counter-strike world. Covered topics - Gameplay tips, maps. equipment and weapons, player types, and more. Coming soon is the bloopers/deleted scenes/outtakes reel of this counter strike production. This machinima project was finished September 4th, 2006.

NASCAR can be exciting...

The thought of fat men in fat cars going round an oval track being watched by millions of fat people consuming beer, hotdogs and popcorn thus getting fatter may seem slightly off-putting.
But the sight of one of said 'fat drivers' dropping kicking an opponent through his windcscreen is truly entertaining! Enjoy.

Mr Beast

If you love movies...

Well my dribbling servants i have a tasty treat for you, if you are a lover of all things hollywood, if the big screen makes your pants tighten, if the thought of the next big thing makes your sweaty palms drip then get yourself off to here JUICY TREAT I swear you'll be amazed at the world my main dude Big Al drags you into, and if you stop clenching it wont hurt either...

Mr Beast

First Impressions...

Just a quick dip into the pond to test the quality of the water folks.

Mr Beast here, ready to offer up my views and opinions on whatever takes my fancy at the time.

Some of it may make you laugh, sometimes you may cry, there may be some who become somewhat enraged. Either way it's all good, all i ask is you have a reaction then i will know my work here is complete.

See you soon my loyal subjects, prepare the world for "BEASTIFICATION" of the highest order...

Mr. Beast